My first experience of ‘failure’
Coming to Durham, I was equipped with a set of great grades – the ones that all students require to get in. I had always been top of the class at school. The problem was, so was everyone in my lectures.
I was a first year Maths student, in a packed lecture theatre, receiving my Collections result (Durham’s name for Mock Exams) for my hardest module. I had found the exam tough, but the 7% on the screen was a shock. Ringing in my ears were the exclamations of other students celebrating amazing grades.
I was well below the 40% pass rate, despite my revision over the Christmas holidays. My brain went into disaster mode – I wouldn’t pass my Summer Exams, I’d fail my resits, and I’d be kicked out of the university I’d worked so hard to get into…
Relearning how to learn
After my initial panic, I grew determined to improve and pass my Summer Exams. I first went through what worked best while studying at school and asking my teachers for help was the idea that stood out to me. However, I was being taught in a lecture theatre of hundreds of students, not just a class of thirty.
To solve this problem, I started making use of the Office Hours my lecturers provided, and it gave me a chance to ask questions about problems I didn’t understand. This gave me a much greater insight about how to approach a problem. I realised Maths at university had a much greater emphasis on proving results and theorems, as opposed to just solving problems without wider context, so I adjusted my studying accordingly. I looked through model answers and went through proofs to see common techniques I was expected to use.
Adjusting my mindset
The most important thing I did was changing my mindset. I started to see the fact that I was surrounded by hundreds of hugely intelligent people as a good thing, not a threat.
Imposter Syndrome (which for students, is characterised as feeling like you are the only person who struggles, or that you don’t deserve your place at university) was holding me back from asking questions to my peers – I was used to being the person people came to for Maths help!
As soon as I started asking questions to students I had perceived as geniuses, I realised what an asset teamwork is within learning. We all have our strong subjects, and things that we find harder, and by working together, we were all able to succeed to the best of our ability.
Embracing failure
Now I’m in my third year, I can safely say I’m so grateful for failing that exam. I never thought I’d think that when I first received my 7%, but without it, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to grow and improve my study skills, and I wouldn’t be achieving the results I am now!
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