When I began my postgraduate degree at Durham, the prospect of publishing seemed like a distant, almost inconceivable idea. While my undergraduate and master’s degrees had undoubtedly equipped me with sufficient essay-writing skills and a basis of knowledge in my chosen subject (Film and Queer Studies), I never felt certain in my ability to construct a piece worthy of a larger readership, let alone to an audience of discerning academics. Truthfully, I really couldn’t bear to revisit my own essays – something I still approach with a degree of apprehension.
For this reason, I decided to focus solely on my thesis for the first two years of my studies rather than become preoccupied with ludicrous fantasies of having my work appear in print. My research, which charts the history of a London-based queer film festival, ‘BFI Flare: London LGBTQIA+ Film Festival’, through the lens of gender and identity politics, was enough to occupy me at this time. I was too busy collecting data: I interviewed various people that had worked on the festival; I visited archives to inspect historical documents; I watched many, many queer films from the last 40 years. Moreover, I moved to London for a year to embark on a placement with the British Film Institute’s festivals department. My thesis was never neglected, but my ambitions of publishing remained passive.
An interview with an academic hero
It was not until I was fortunate enough to interview one of my academic heroes, Richard Dyer, that the idea suddenly became appealing. Dyer is a towering figure in the field of queer film studies. He was one of the earliest and certainly most engrossing writers on the topic of lesbian and gay cinema history, on stardom, and on race and cinema. He was also a passionate activist, associating with various socialist outfits in the 1970s, using cinema to highlight issues he felt needed to be addressed. Having approached Dyer for an interview, after being introduced to him through my supervisor at a book launch, I suddenly found myself anxiously scaling the steps to his London residence. Wonderful queer artworks and sketches adorned the walls; the ambient sounds of classical music filled his office; his bookshelves were bursting with fascinating works – I still regret not asking to take a picture of them for later consultation. He was a joy to speak to. All the ebullience and insight that drew me to his essays was present in his conversation.
Following the interview, I arrived home, barely sat at my desk before I had begun to scour the recording, making notes as to what our discussion meant, why it was so important. I informed my supervisor, who immediately suggested drafting it as an article. I put aside some time and began to craft a piece, initially with only a short introduction. I submitted it to my first journal. They replied within days, asking for an extended introduction and praising the piece’s content. I was in shock. The piece has since appeared in print.
Time well spent
Perhaps the time I spent actively avoiding submitting my work to publishers was time well spent. Perhaps my writing and thoughts were in a necessary state of development and maturation. Perhaps my work would never have been accepted had I submitted at an earlier point. Perhaps this was simply a necessary period of intellectual incubation.
Go for it – you’ve nothing to lose
Perhaps, conversely, I could have had the confidence to go for it, to have faith in myself and my abilities and to have shaken the fear of rejection – a ridiculous, unhelpful notion. To try and to fail is still to try, and these experiences are of immense value. This has been the biggest takeaway from this entire experience: go for it, even if you don’t feel ready, you have nothing to lose!
Discover more:
To read my piece, ‘Better a bad image than no image’: interview with Richard Dyer on organizing the UK’s first lesbian and gay film season, click here.
To find out more about postgraduate studies at Durham, click here.
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